Don’t know where to start really…
No.1 has his SATS next week – school has decided to go ahead with them (and that’s a WHOLE other post), so it has been revision, revision, revision for weeks. Practice papers, homework and stress stress stress. NOT good for my boy, he’s been deteriorating rapidly since the oh-so-perfect easter holidays, and last night was final bloody straw. Sobbing in my arms at 11 at night, desperate for sleep, hurting from head to foot, and for the first time ever he wailed

“it’s not FAIR! Why ME? I just want to be normal, and for it all to just GO AWAY.”

Broke my heart, and felt like wailing and sobbing alongside him.

Utterly impotent to help beyond sympathy. Stress comes out physically in the form of pain with him, of course, and he puts himself under so much pressure. He didn’t get into the high school he wanted, we were refused again on appeal (appeals were last week – what a bloody stress that was, didn’t even have the energy to tell you all about it), and he took it a bit personally, so he’s desperate to do well in his SATS to ‘show’ people. Pre-illnes he was a predicted 5A across the board (highest he could get, national average is 4C I think). When he came back to school he was re-targeted as low 4’s, and having missed nearly a whole academic year and had no friggin help whatsoever from the LEA he has climbed back up to an expected 5C, possibly higher. And no matter how much we tell him how proud we are of him and how we couldn’t care two bat shits abot the SATS, he hears so much at school about results and the impact of them that he’s talked himself into the fact that if he doesn’t get at least 5B’s he’s failed himself. FFS. Wanted to rip his bloody teachers head from his shoulders last night. If I’d had his mobile number I would have rung him and had him listen to what the school has done. No.1’s not the only one – the whole class is looking white and drawn. Is such a crapfest, and I wish No.1 would choose not to go in and do the bloody things.
Have kept him home today, and am lavishing him with cuddles and chat.

Alongside that going on in the house, we are restructuring C’s entire bloody company. You know how these things snowball – disaffection with our web host/designers has gone from having a contractor optimise the site, to having him build a new one, to me building a new wedding blog (now done), a new pregnancy site (finished next week), researching all sorts of stuff we’ve been paying for over the last 7 years and finding that actually we’ve been taken for mugs and spentĀ  THOUSANDS of pounds needlessly. Makes me so angry.
Have fired accountants too, who similarly overcharged, and at the same time got so much stuff wrong, and again cost us even more.
It’s so easy just to keep doing what you always have, believing it works without checking. The design company were cutting edge 10 years ago – but haven’t changed since, and of course the internet has changed a lot in that time. On the up side, the new site is going to be everything C has ever wanted, at a fraction of the price. The downside is the sheer bloody volume of work involved.

Oh, and LS is snowballing faster than K and I can’t keep up with it. She’s got the builders in and is knee-deep in house renovation and moving out for a while, I’ve got all this stuff for C, and LS is snapping and snarling at the tight leash cos it just wants to take off and run.

But I did manage to have a period last week (timed to coincide with schools appeal and Big Meeting with No.1’s teacher – perfect, eh?) and not only did I not take any anti-bleed drugs, but i managed to use tampax instead of industrial strength wadding. So I’m thinking the thyroid drugs are finally having an effect.

There’s probably a gazillion other things, but that’s enough for now!