This is the latest prompt from Tara’s Gallery posts. I had trouble with this one… I tried, very hard, but ugly is not a word I use, and rarely something I see. Only one thing kept coming back to me, and there was no way I was posting THAT on t’interweb.
But then.. I visited the Moiderer. And she made me feel a wuss.
After all, I talk about so many things here, why on earth is this worse?
I think because its about the only thing I feel shamefully responsible for.
But.
This blog is about being brave and honest.
So.
Scariest thing I’ve ever done.
Here it is.
The ugliest thing in my world.
It’s not really the size – though that’s not pretty. I’ve been overweight for years, I’m used to the wobble. No, it’s more. Since I had Bear, my stomach has not felt like my own any more.
The caesarean messed it up – not only does it feel oddly doughy, weird and jellylike, but it is also totally numb in that entire region I am holding in the picture. Never warm and part of me. It’s this big mass of wobbly lifeless nothingness.
And I hate it quite a lot.
Ugly is quite a good word for it.
PS – Moiderer? The Belly Battle is ON. ;)
The Moiderer
April 7, 2010 — 8:53 am
Cool – belly battles!
Incidentally – I had the same thing. I have had 2 C-sections. It took a lot longer after the first one for that numbness to disappear. But even now 20 months after the last one, the belly is kind of weird and there are big empty patches when you push in aren’t there? It is very weird.
Mamafour
April 7, 2010 — 9:08 am
The numbness freaked me a lot to begin with, actually – after three ‘natural’ births, the whole caesarean thing was weird from start to finish, but how my stomach felt from the outside was whole new realms of freakishness.
Thankfully, I soon came to realise lots of women suffer from it, so knew it was normal… and it has got better over the three years, but I’m pretty acclimatised to the fact that this is it now.
However, I’m scientifically hoping that area of numbness with be directly proportional to total surface area…
veryanniemary
April 7, 2010 — 1:07 pm
A belly battle! I love it! Can I join in? I have 40lbs to lose after finding I have arthritis in my back, I need, support, sympathy and recipes!
You are both braver than me…my belly is not for publication….
Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst
April 7, 2010 — 2:16 pm
A belly battle! Brilliant! and I know what you mean about the weird cold & numb spots after a C-section I’ve got that too.
Whimsical Wife
April 7, 2010 — 2:19 pm
My tummy is not attractive either and I seriously considered photographing it – but ‘ugly’ as it is it tells a beautiful story and is only not as flat and smooth and toned as it used to be because I have beautiful babies! And that is worth a hideous tummy in return! xx
Whimsical Wife
April 7, 2010 — 2:19 pm
Not meaning your tummy hideous – my own!
Nova
April 7, 2010 — 5:11 pm
Oh I can feel your pain through your words, so many of us have this battle. I’ve lost weight ( put back on again) and when I am thinner my stomach looks even worse because then I’m left with skin that is never ever going to recover. I hate it too….with you there and wish we could all accept it as part of having children but it looks like we can’t . :0( Thanks for posting it. x
Mamafour
April 7, 2010 — 5:51 pm
veryanniemary – you’re most welcome to join the Belly Battle! You’re ahead of me, i have no idea how much i have to lose in terms of lb’s… am too scared ot actually step on a scale and find out! ;)
Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst – it’s weird, i did LOADS of reading up on the c-section, and nowhere did i see warnings about the cold numbness afterwards. And yet I now know it’s quite common – but no one likes it, so no one talks about it. Except me, of course. To everyone.
Whimsical Wife – I do love my children, and being overweight really doesn’t normally bother me overmuch; I’m very practiced at it! It’s the weird after-effects of the c/s that really do bother me so much.
Nova – I never ever judge other Mums and their post-baby tum – funny how we’re so much more critical of ourselves. And I do NOT want to hear how it’ll simply be worse when I lose the weight, thank you very much!
Cheshire Mum
April 7, 2010 — 8:42 pm
I’ve got one of those & mine is numb too! x
nomorexcuses
April 8, 2010 — 12:50 pm
You & the moiderer have inspired my blog post today – I hope you like it! I couldn’t find your twitter name to @you?
Mamafour
April 8, 2010 — 2:55 pm
That’s cos this blog is pretty new (is a collection of all my personal writing over the last couple of years, but is all post-dated, I only got round to setting it up a month or so ago) and I sorted out all the RSS/networking things yet. And I’ve forgotten my twitter addy… shall get it sorted asap, honest! *beetles off to see your blog post now*
Cheshire Mum – it’s so nice to be in good company!
PippaD @ A Mothers Ramblings
April 8, 2010 — 4:59 pm
You are lucky that you missed the photos of me that I posted… in my undies. It would make you feel a lot better about your belly!